FileMangler Quality Assurance Guidelines

A friend of mine was asked to put together a QA checklist for people who have FileMangler 2.1 databases they have developed on their desktop machines and would like to migrate over to the company servers. This is the first draft he sent to me as a joke.

1. Has the database crashed ever more than once a week. Explain.
2. How often does the database crash each month.
3. Do you have any field names that include characters that would prevent it from being used in a calculation? ie. +,-,/,*,etc. (note: FileMangler will give you an warning message when you created the field.)
4. What is the average number of people that us this database.
5. When was the last time you recovered the database?
6. Is it larger than 15meg?
7. Do you predict it will reach 25meg within the next 3 months?
8. Have you ever avoided a record cause you knew it would crash the database?
9. Have you ever noticed records disappearing regularly?
10. How you wished that you could pitch the database out the 6th floor window more often than 5 times?
11. Are you willing to lie on this questionnaire just to get the database off your computer?
12. Have you noticed that every third sentence contains vulgarities directed at the database and FileMangler.
13. Have you considered changing jobs because of the database?
14. Have you considered suicide because of the database?

If you answered yes to more than 5 questions we regret to inform you: t.s. ...the database is your problem.

If you answered yes to more than 10 questions we recommend seeing a psychiatrist.

If you answered yes to the last question, wait patiently and we will send you technical help to deal with the database. You can recognize these technicians because they will arrive in a white van with little red lights and be wearing white coats.

Please note that all names has been modified to protect the company's identity.